Friday, 10 March 2017

Tales from the fast lane - Part 2

In a bid to increase my fitness level I thought I'd have a bash at Aquafit. My Mum does it, and can still manage to walk straight afterwards, so how hard can it be? I even worried it would be too easy for me, even in my current state of unfit. However I can honestly say that I have underestimated my Mum big time! And following today's shenanigans I have a new found respect for her.

Before I even got to the exercise part I had no idea there was so much protocol to get through. After a brief chat with the instructor (I'll call her Claire, in fact all names have been changed) we decided that I would be best placed near the side, I was then welcomed into the fold by Marion, and after revealing I was an Aquafit virgin I was walked through how things were done at Aquafit. She talked me through who Beryl was (Head Honcho it turns out), who stood where (fine by me, didn't want to step on anyones toes - excuse the clever use of double meaning), how I could get the best out of the class (brilliant), why lots of the ladies choose to wear some kind of aqua sock, which were white and toeless (toeless?) for Aquafit, and that she thoroughly recommended them (all very new and a little amusing to me) and finally she told me that I would be standing in the middle left of the front. I suspected at this point that foul play may be involved as I know too well from bitter experience (badly stubbed toe many moons ago), that there is a drain at the exact spot that she instructed me to stand...and so whilst it appears that Beryl runs a very tight and organised ship, I actually now suspect she may be trying to kill me (I'm thinking worse case scenario here). Unfortunately (for Marion) this was the point where I had to inform her that I would be standing near the edge of the pool rather than follow their seating plan. There was an audible gasp from Marion at which point Beryl arrived out of nowhere, similarly to the shopkeeper in Mr Ben (love that programme), and told me that I would "be better positioned" elsewhere. After a short standoff where I said I would be staying put and offered no explanation as to why, Beryl marched to her pre determined place as best she could, wearing her white toeless socks and aqua gloves, with Marion closely following in her wake!

Once the class started it became obvious that I would be unable to full participate in the class, but under the guidance of Claire, who was amazing, I managed quite well, although there were times when the whole class were going in the opposite direction to me, actually it could well have been for the duration of the class for all I know, I was a bit oblivious to everyone else, but I was ok with that, unlike Beryl et al, who if I'm reading their disapproving looks right were less enthused by my efforts. Now I know that it is only the foolhardy who would turn their back on their enemy, but I found that I cared even less if I didn't have to see their judgemental stares. By the end of the class I was confident I had pretty much mastered most of the moves, albeit an adapted version.

I have to admit I had no idea how much hard work Aquafit was, so hats off to my Mum, Beryl and Marion. I was very impressed, and seriously considering booking to do it again and even buying some of the white toeless socks. That was until the moment that we were getting out of the pool and Beryl slipped and took a bit of a tumble off the bottom step, falling unexpectedly backwards into the arms of a very surprised Marion. No-one was injured, but this was the moment that I discovered why the white aqua socks had holes in the toes - it's simply to let your dignity leak out!

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